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Time:01:39 am
Aktuelle Musik:manson - rock is dead
ABLARGH.
uhhh. oh yeah. i got a gmail email thingy? are those still special? i haven't gotten any invitation things to send out yet. dunno what i'm gonna do with them when i do. oof.
god i hate math. the whole class is so frustrating. it's online... bla bla.. and you have to take these assessments that like, if you don't retain what you learned, they bump you back. and even if you retain it, if you do the arithmetic wrong you still have to do that topic all over again... so okay. we have to be at 75% by the time the final comes next week right? and last week i'm all cruising along, 70%, yanno, ahead of schedule. and this assessment comes up.. and bumps me back to 32FREAKING%. so then to be able to pass, it'd be like doing half the semester in one week. asspain like whoa. and i'm all freaking out all week and shit. but luckily, today, i apparently did so much this week that they had me do another assessment... and i got up to 72%. i'm so proud, haha, i feel like such a dork. i'm already past the amount we need for the final. going to slack a li'l now before it kills me....

and... yeah. nice pointless story. yay.

for ol' times sakeCollapse )
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Time:12:03 am
sooooo
...is anybody planning to go to new york on the 27th...? i kind of just need someone to sit with on the train to make sure i don't die, or something.

yeah, didn't think so.
comments: 4 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen Share

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Time:01:35 am
Aktuelle Musik:yes, anastasia
we'll see how brave you are.

we'll see how fast you'll be running.
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Time:01:04 am
Aktuelle Musik:tori amos
i have to stop pretending i don't care.
or do i? i don't know. the past attacked me today.

if you're reading this and i haven't talked to you in a billion years, tell me something you think i probably don't know about you now that seems pretty significant.

i used to think [and still do think, a little] that trivial, petty, trite things are pointless in life, and people whose lives are centered around these things are pointless as well. i was a bit off. trivial things like teacups and fauxfur coats have all the importance and poetry of so-called important things like death and government. so you have all the teacups you want, i'm sorry i got so flustered. i'm still a child. forgive me.

i'm turning words in my favor, i see them everywhere as i see colors now. i want to see the beauty in everything instead of stagnancy.
[and i'm so glad i have someone to help me see.]
comments: 4 Kommentare or Kommentar hinterlassen Share

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Time:04:32 pm
Aktuelle Musik:ben folds five - narcolepsy
hi.

i just privatized three or four years worth of livejournal entries. yes, that was a bitch. [my god, i was so trivial when i was fourteen... not like i'm any better now. haha.. eh..]
um. took a bunch of people off my friends' list, as well. and redid mr. layout. this entry is getting boring. slipping into tritisms.

god, why does the past seem so separate?
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Subject:palahniuk
Time:05:35 pm
'anything you can acquire
is just another thing you'll lose.'

this goes for:
objects
friends
hope
ideals
ideas
limbs [....]
senses [ie, common]
enemies
family members
memories
coupons
emotions
computers
peers
teachers
respect
video game high scores
hope
hope
hope
the idea that maybe someday things will get better
hope.
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Time:06:25 pm
You know what I want to live like? Not like this, no…
I want to find an old house, ok condition – not amazing, because old, rickety houses have a beauty you can’t find many other places [the beauty of decay]. A house no one’s living in. and squat there. You know, just live there and end up owning it by that law.. with the squatting.. and such. Yeah. But with people, too – a small group of people, ones I know well, ones who want to escape this as much as I do. [our own little tribe]. We’d heat the house by the fireplace [why would you need anything else?] and get electricity by self-supplied means of solar and wind power – or anything that just doesn’t rely on outside powerlines. We’d feed ourselves by having a little garden, fishing in a body of water nearby, possibly hunting. Clothing I haven’t quite worked out yet, but considering I’ve been working on this for just a day, it’ll get there. We wouldn’t have to get a job.. well, not full time, at least. We could take turns working part-time to supply what we couldn’t get elsewhere – internet access, for one, and possibly art supplies, notebooks, whathaveyou. If there were seven of us, we’d only have to work a day a week.
And if it ended up more people lived like this, we could end up trading, getting things we wouldn’t have had. [like cheese…] Children…? No school. No goddamn concentration camps for kids. Sure, they’d be educated – I mean, how hard is it to teach a four year old to read? Christ, I could read before I entered kindergarten, it’s not that damn hard. And if they really wanted to learn other stuff, then we could get books on it. We’d let them learn what they wanted to learn, not just this ‘a nice rounded education’ bullshit. I think we all know how much it sucks having to take courses you don’t give a damn about, aren’t good at, and won’t even use in the so-called ‘real world’.
Oh, and transportation~! Aside from the usual busing-ness that you could always hop on, we’d have a nice little car that runs on vegetable oil. I’m not shitting you, they have people with cars like that already. Nobody’s going to stand for this three-bucks-a-gallon polluting-as-hell bull if they have to.
There’s probably other stuff I missed… if you think of it, pleeease post it. I need to figure this out because there’s as much of a chance that I’m going to end up living like this as I am going to live 9 to 5 assfuck job from hell. I think I’ve got four years. [and yeah, still going to college because I really would like to get better at art. That’s my only goal in life.] in fact life there itself would consist of nothing but doodling and surfing the net and going for walks in the woods. And fishing. That’s not so bad, eh?



[i suppose i want to know why i can't just screw around for the rest of my life, even if it's just what i love to do. if i can make it work -- if i can make a sustainable living by screwing around and just doing what i want to do -- why, why, why, CAN'T i??]
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Subject:safeandignorant
Time:11:52 pm
Aktuelle Musik:apc.the noose
wordsCollapse )

wellp, someday i may break and indulge myself in risk and poisons. someday i'll learn how to handle death, as well. [in real life as well as the pseudo-death of conversations.] but i suppose i'll never truly know death until i experience it. [perhaps i am.... overcompensating my lack?]
'but i'm more than just a little curious how you're planning on making your amends to the dead.' if i have amends, they should die with the dead. but regret never, ever escapes you so easily.

oh, hell. what the fuck do i know, anyway?
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Aktuelle Stimmung:change
Security:
Subject:i have toes
Time:11:42 pm
i went for a walk today. then i went online for a while. then i drew some pictures.

yes, exciting.

just trying to keep up with all the rest of you people's lists of things you do everyday and such. 9__9



but really, i saw some pretty little tiny flowers. i'd like to be able to know what kind of plants they are. are they indiginous to north america? did they kill off a species of other flower? how are they pollinated? should we undergo a complete biological overhaul of the new world to try and stimulate things back to diversity, or is it too late for that? oh, crap. starting that again.
arbor day is sometime this month, i think. i want to find a rare kind of tree that is indiginous [hey there's that word again] to this area and plant it next to the one in the front yard that's really tiny and standing alone and being bad feng shui. but i doubt that's going to happen. i wonder why? it makes me sad. lack of action is lack of reaction is lack of feeling better from accomplishment.

i am trying hard not to complain. i am waiting for a revolution. this will get me no where.
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Subject:here's some fun shit.
Time:12:57 pm
"If we are honest there is only one root cause of the disaster facing the planet, and that is the appalling rate at which our human species has increased its population in recent centuries. ... Who is to blame for the crisis we face? First and foremost, I accuse the religious leaders of the world. They have fed mankind with the dangerous myth that humanity is somehow above nature and that it is our god-given right to hold dominion over the Earth and subdue it. In many cases, they have actively encouraged over-population and have gone out of their way to prevent family-planning schemes. They are a disgrace. Secondly, I accuse political leaders, almost all of whom follow a policy of national growth, regardless of the consequences. ... But we are not designed as a high-quantity species. We are a high-quality species, and all our social thinking should be directed to this thought" - Desmond Morris
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[icon] Spinnen zieht durch
View:Neueste Einträge.
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View:Website (swayback and ripcord).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
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