and so i realize i could be doing other things. i could be catching up with her. [that thing, the envy, watching from afar and just wishing.] i could be doing some thing that makes me myself. i could be doing something constructive, for god's sake.
why do we choose, or consider, to abandon these places we've made in our minds? because that's all they are. bits of code and images. colors. hexadecimal. i can't say i would leave without a fight. [at the least, a fight with myself].
almost three a.m. one more day without obligation to leave the house.
...going to go draw... to forget. [and i realized that things like that don't matter if you have other people.] but. nonetheless. i neeeeeeeed to catch up.
[memories of when i 'laughed the hardest' -- when i was told i was almost? as ____ as __________.]
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