and then i get the mirror turned on me.
stop it. stop that. you're not making it any better... 'try and be happy'
see i turned what should have been somehting that made my outlook on life much better.. into another despair fair. ha ha. oh, the irony. fucking fuck.
see what you did? (i'm pointing the blame) see now im feeling worse than i have for a long time.
so where is my pain? what pain? what's my problem? i wonder what my problem is. what problem? i have no problem, no pain.
you know what the funny thing is? i thought i was changed. better than before. i thought i was happier, or... just a different paradigm shift.... but people never change. if you give me everything i think i need to do to feel better, if i am better, if i reach perfect equilibrium... will you be there telling me i am feeling pain? will you be pointing out what i have been doing wrong, assuming i am not trying for anything myself? will your attempts to make me 'better' just bring me down again?
i don't want my whole life to be leading up to something that i'll never get to.
LOOOOOOKKKK LOOOOOKKKK I AM THE VICTIM AGAIN, HIT BY THE TRAIN AGAIN!! look, you won!! look! some people are stronger than others! some people want everyone to be happy! sometimes people's sadness is their happiness. you take that away, what do you get? rainbow in a bucket?
this has turned into a terrible rant. i feel terrible when i should be feeling lovely...
i need a hobby.
[and i hate you, i hate you, i hate you stupid fucking anonymous commenter. whoever you are in r/l... oh ughh i hate you.]